I woke up early this morning. I didn’t sleep much last night. I’m hungry and my mouth is dry but I can’t have a drink because it’s past 6 a.m. and I’m not allowed.
I know I’m not the only one who is nervous. I don’t like to think about how others worry so much for me and how I’m not the only one who suffers through my suffering – but I do.
As I shower and dress in my least favourite clothes my mind can only focus on a single moment. It hasn’t happened yet but I know it will…
We arrive. The corridors seem longer than usual and the ward seems further away than how I remember. But it’s still there.
This part’s routine – blood pressure, temperature, oxygen levels. “The doctor will be with you shortly.”
I distract myself until then. I try to distract myself until then. We talk about good TV programmes and what we’re going to do when this is all over.
He arrives then. Carrying the green paper that I know, in any second, once he explains how likely or unlikely it is that I’ll bleed or die, he’ll pass to me and I’ll have to comply.
‘Failure to warn the patient of a risk however small the probability, denies he patient the opportunity to make a fully informed decision.’
Have I been unwell in the last week? No. Is there a chance I could be pregnant? Definitely no. Are you ready? No. Wait. Yes. Dammit. We’re good to go ahead.
He slides it towards me and hands me the pen….
I’ve done it before like the time they broke the bones in both my feet just to put them back together again or the time a perfect stranger saved my life. I’ll do it again.
We all have to do it at some point in our lives. Some earlier than others. Some more than others.
“Sign on the dotted line.”
He prompts me by pointing at the paper.
I don’t want to but I do. ‘Cecilia Adamou’ and then a quick scribble with a shaky hand.
It’s sealed now. I’ve given my consent and now my life is no longer in my own hands.
As if it ever was.
I decided to write something a little different this week. I was listening to a radio drama and it inspired me try something new . So, here we are. I hope you enjoyed reading – I’m sure it’s an experience you can relate to.
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