The Five Stages of Exams!

By  6th June 2016


It’s been too long! I have finally emerged from the deep depths of exam season…. well nearly anyway. I’ve completed 6 out of 8 exams so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought that I would kick off my return with a different kind of blog post. Public exams are taking place at the moment, as well of end of year exams, and most children from the ages of about 14 are struggling through exams. I thought we all need a laugh and a little bit of entertainment  so here we go, the five stages of exams….

So, we’ve all been there. The day we have been waiting for has finally come. It’s exam time. Whether you’ve been revising for months, weeks, days or you’ve read through your notes once, we all go through the same 5 stages of an exam.

The Pre-exam Cram

You’re flicking through the text book with 30 minutes to go and it suddenly occurs to you – ‘Oh crap! I didn’t go over *insert topic here*.’ So calmly you flick to the pages and start to read through. ‘Oh boy, this is a lot more than I thought.’ Then you find something else you’re not sure about, and then another. And so it begins,the pre-exam- no-matter-how-much-you-have-revised-cram.  And it sucks.

2. The Ten-Minutes-to-go-high

They’ve just called you in. It’s time. The moment (or one of them) that you’ve been waiting for. You take your seat and surprisingly, you feel OK. ‘This is going to be fine!’ you think to yourself. A sudden burst of confidence leaves you feeling ready and raring to go! You’ve studied, you’ve prepared, your brain is awake and you’re in the zone. All you can think is ‘BRING IT ON’.

3. The Hair-pulling, Lip-biting Page Turning Nightmare

You’re feeling good and are ready to splurge all your knowledge onto the page. You hear those long awaited words:  “And you may begin”. ‘GO GO GO?” You take a deep breath and turn over the first page and…. ‘Oh S***’. And in a split second, every ounce of confidence you had just minutes ago, is gone. “What is this? Is this even *insert name of subject here*? You flick throughout the pages, this is when your mini-meltdown begins. You’re almost certain that you will not be able to answer a single question on this darn paper. How could life (and the exam board) be so cruel? You’re pretty sure that your internal screams can be heard a mile off. Goodbye hopes. Goodbye dreams. Goodbye ideal future. Oh dear….

4. The Final Stretch.

You’ve spent an hour dilly dallying, writing sentences here and there, quietly re-evaluating your life choices. It’s the final half an hour. Flicking through the pages you spot something magical. A question that you can actually answer! It’s a miracle. Resisting the urge to fist pump the air, you scribble down your knowledge. You then notice that you can answer the next question. Hang on, and the next. All is not lost, and as you go through the paper you realise that maybe this isn’t as bad as you first thought. Tick, tick, tick. Your hand is speeding across the page, smoke floating off the page. Will you have enough time to get everything down? You manage to answer a considerable amount of the paper, if not all of it  by the time the exam ends – regardless of whether what you have written is right. You feel mostly satisfied as you file out of the exam hall.

5. The Post-event Discussion

It’s finally over and you’re so relieved. But everyones talking about the exam. “What did you think?” “What did you get for 4b?” “What’s a calibration curve?” You can’t decide whether you want to know your failures and feel instant regret, or ignore everyone, run away and wait for the examiners to decide. In the end you just can’t help but listen in. ‘Oh no, I didn’t get that answer!’ ‘Oh God, I wrote that first and then changed it’. Panic sets in again and you decide the best thing is to remove yourself from the situation. You’ve done all you can do so you accept your fate. Bring on results day.

I really hope you enjoyed my post and that you can relate to it too. I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone but I know it certainly does to me and some of my friends. I hope it gave you a good laugh.

Good luck to anyone with exams! You’ll do great!

Lots of love you all,

Cecilia-Joy x


  • Hazel Greig-Midlane 6th June 2016 at 11:22 pm

    I still dream that I have to take more exams and your account just explains why I was traumatised by them! Bet you’ve done amazingly well, and at least you are one step nearer to the last exam ever!

  • ah I’m doing my exams at the moment and this is literally everything I feel in five steps!!

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