The 5 Stages Of Christmas

By  23rd December 2018

Hello everyone,

So, it’s Christmas Eve Eve and preparations for the big day are in full swing. Classical FM is banging out the carols, someone’s (usually the male of the household) panicking because they still need to buy presents and the cooking process has already begun – I mean, Rome wasn’t built in a day!

Essentially, the weeks and weeks we spend shopping and cooking and buying and decorating and tearing around the place all come down to one day: Christmas.

When the day finally does come around, and all our hard work comes to show, the day goes by so quickly that before we know it, it’s over and all we’ve left is bits of cold turkey and an extra 3 kilos in body weight.

There are however, 5 distinct stages of Christmas that we can all recognise so I’ve decided to define them:

Stage 1 – The Night Before

As you sit around the telly deciding with your family which Christmas special to watch, everyone seems remarkably calm – that is unless you have young children who will undoubtedly, at this point, be tearing around the house in excitement. There’s a bottle of red on the table and the mince pies are going fast. Everyone’s jolly but tired and ready to go to bed. You’ll need your energy for the next day ahead.

Stage 2 – The Morning Rush

Everyone is up bright and early. The sun is most likely not shining (boo England) but everyone is in good spirits. It takes exactly 5 minutes for everyone to rip their presents open and now everyone sits and stares at each other wondering what’s next. Breakfast of course! And so the eating begins.

Stage 3 – Midday Madness

Dad’s in the kitchen frantically chopping vegetables, Mum’s in the bathroom doing her makeup, Granny’s watching the Queens speech, there’s wrapping paper and opened gifts all over the place and the cat’s attacking the Christmas tree. Again. And has anyone laid the table? It’s none other than that weird period between presents and Christmas dinner. There’s no doubt that no matter how you’re spending Christmas, whether you’re having guests, going out or spending it with you family, everything is always a panic at this point. Has anyone ever had a totally chilled Christmas? I think not.

Stage 4 – The Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For

Yes. It’s time. Christmas Dinner time. The meal of the year! It goes silent as everyone takes their first bite. Delicious, just as you’d expected. And then it begins, the never ending cycle of food, food, FOOD! One more mouthful of this, another bite of that. “Oooh, I’ll have a bit more of them!” Your power to eat – it’s unforeseen. It’s relentless. You can’t seem to be full! Before anyone can say “more please”, it’s over. You really can’t fit anymore in. Everyone sits, hands on stomachs, around the table, staring in disbelief at how little is left over. “I’m never eating again” someone piped up. That is until Christmas pudding is served.

Stage 5 – Sloth

Somehow, you’ve all made it to the sofas. You can feel the extra body weight as you try not to move. You might explode if you do. It’s been a great day, filled with laughter, love and if you’re like my family, a few arguments too. It’s time to reflect on the day over, you guessed it, a box of Celebrations. There is always room for a Malteaser’s Teaser – if someone hasn’t picked them all out of the box beforehand. You all sit, moving only to grab a choccy or to take a sip of wine, and watch something thoroughly festive on the TV. Once again, it’s been a great Christmas and you thank your lucky stars that you were able to enjoy it with your friends and family.

I hope you enjoyed and could relate to my 5 Stages of Christmas.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year.

Lots of festive love,

Cecilia-Joy x

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